Why Live Differently? The Story Behind Eff Normal
It was March 25, 2019. My husband, Kevin, and I were in New South Wales, Australia, on day four of an incredible trip with our kids and my mom and stepdad. This trip had been in the works for years. I was getting to show my family where I had lived as an exchange student in high school. The day before, we’d left Sydney and spent a relaxing day touring the Grand Pacific Drive, exploring coves and tide pools on our way to the Illawarra.
Around 5:00 a.m. local time, in our hotel room in Kiama, we got a text from Kevin’s dad back home asking if we could talk.
Kevin said immediately, “This can’t be good.”
The kids were still sleeping, so we sat on the cold tile floor of the bathroom and made the call. His mom, Carol, was in the hospital. She’d gone in because she was turning yellow. The doctors and nurses had done only preliminary tests at that point, but it seemed they were already preparing the family for bad news.
I will never forget standing in front of the Kiama blowhole that afternoon—memorable in its own right—while Kevin was on his cell phone getting updates from his siblings. There wasn’t immediate urgency, so we did our best to enjoy the next few days. It was confirmed Carol had pancreatic cancer. She faced it bravely, going through treatments and surgeries no one should have to endure. She passed away the following year.
People say “life is short.” Until you’ve been through a loss—especially someone gone before their time—you don’t really know how short it is. Carol was two months from retirement when she got the diagnosis. They’d had trips planned for a long time, like getting back to the Oregon Coast, one of their favorite places. She treasured nothing more than time with family, and she had so much more love to give.
I don’t remember exactly when it was, but I remember the conversation with Kevin at home. “That’s it. F**k ‘normal.’” I knew what he meant, and we were in sync. Who cared when or how people thought you should do things? What the “normal” path was for a family with a couple of kids? Why wait until retirement to live? We wouldn’t enter into things that would consume us entirely anymore. We wouldn’t be afraid to take the road less traveled.
We’d already been working on changes. After 17 years of owning and operating a small business and launching another—all we did was work for many of those years—we’d hit burnout. I was chronically tired and, honestly, a pretty miserable person to be around a lot of the time. So, we promoted a management team and brought on a partner to lead that business so we could step away more.
We planned a six-month stay in the Andalucía region of Spain, where the kids would attend school, gain fluency in Spanish, and we could experience living abroad together. The COVID pandemic ended those plans, but we evolved them into seeing the Western U.S. by RV for several months instead. It was one of the best experiences of our lives. The places we visited were incredible, but that wasn’t it. We learned how much better life as a family could be when we stepped away from the running-around craziness that is “normal” daily life.
So eff that. Go for the adventure. Experience things now, together. You won’t regret it.
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